It Wasn't Up To me
I was six years old when I received the first hands-on energy healing session from my grandpa. My mother, a psychiatrist, believed he was insane and at ten years of age, I had to face my fear of being ridiculed and tell her that I can heal with my hands, just like her father, too. She didn’t say anything… She didn’t say a word. She quietly took her apron off and walked out of the kitchen, leaving me there sitting, questioning my own sanity.
A few days later my mother walked into my room where I was playing with a hand-made doll house and looked at me with her big blue piercing eyes and asked if I could go with her. I got up and followed. On our way, she asked me if I could heal her friend. I was told she has been sick for a while and her condition worsen. I was told doctors haven’t been able to help.
We found my mother’s friend in a living room laying on a couch. She seemed to be very uncomfortable and in a lot of pain. With my hands I started scanning her body’s energy field looking for any imbalances and places where it could be ripped, while balancing and clearing all at the same time. After about an hour I turned to my mother and told her that the session was complete and that will take a while for her friend to wake up. “When she wakes up she should feel much better,” I said. “Can I go home now?”
My mother didn’t return until late that night. When I heard she was back I lift up my head to see if she had anything to tell me. She walked across the room watching me sitting there on the floor with a doll in my hand. She didn’t say a word. But the look on her face said it all.
Neither of us said anything that night. There were no words needed.
“Be careful who you talk to about it,” she said to me one day. I knew exactly what she meant. And yet, we couldn’t keep our secret for very long.
Practicing remote healing was just as natural to me as hands-on. “I’ll send you my sunshine,” I would say. The Sun felt like it was the source of the energy I was working with. Manipulating energies remotely as well as in person was my second nature. To me, it felt as natural as my body’s breath.
I never had an intention to become a healer…
I knew I already was.
In the Spiral of Time
She was standing there on the shore, staring at the ocean far into the distance. To me it seemed like she was waiting for something... Or someone. I could see sadness all over his face. And grief. Then she turned to me and said: "I can spend hours like this... staring at the ocean. I don't know why but it always makes me sad... But I can't help it. I can't stop. It's as if the ocean is pulling me here... "
I took another look at her and realized she had no idea she was still waiting. Waiting for her lover to return from the seas. He sailed away lifetimes ago... She promised him to wait. And so here she was... still waiting. Still single. Keeping her promise lifetimes later. Drowning in her longing...
" You are still waiting... " I said watching her carefully. "You are still waiting for him."
She didn't question me what I meant. She didn't say, waiting for whom? In fact, she didn't say a word... Only her face suddenly flooded with tears, from both relief and sorrow. Her mind didn't know the details, but she was still remembering within her Soul.
That was it. The moment in time when the past, present, and future aligns. The time was now to clear her past so she could enjoy the now and with that, realign her future.
"Are you ready to let it go?" I asked carefully. Swallowing her tears she whispered: "Yes... I can't go on like this..."
Some call it the Akashic Records, a compendium of all human events, thoughts and words, emotions and intent ever to have occurred in the past, present or future. I have no name for it. I see it all being recorded in each soul. Every thought, every second of everyone's lives are recorded and imprinted in the Spiral of Time. Some have the ability to read it. I have the ability to rewrite it. Who knows... Maybe that's what I'm here for. Through the lens of All Time to see everyone's story and rewrite the "script". To set free of old pains and emotions that no longer serve anyone...
It is never about what happened... It is about the emotions we are still carrying within.
I suffered from my own past for many years, too. I myself have been my own biggest experiment. Witnessed my life being transformed as well as so many others along the way. Phobias and fears, deep grief, and longing often have roots in the past that we have no conscious access to. And still they are so powerful they can run our lives, taking us away from the joys that are available to us now but because of the pain we carry deep inside, we are not able to see it nor feel it.
We never see our reality for what it is. It's what we feel is what we see...
Do YOU know what's holding you back?
Don't be afraid to take the first step towards your dreams.
You are so much more than you know.
Or you think you know...
You will find out what's inevitable
But that's later.
Your wings are still wet so you think you can't fly.
But when you lift your feet to take that leap into the void
you will surprise yourself.
Listen to your inner child
as she is the only one who knows what is best for you.
She is not ruined.
Be a guiding light to yourself first.
Others will follow.
You don't have to point.
Trust your instincts even when you think they're off
They will take you exactly where you meant to be.
And don't worry about the future.
It is glorious.
Be open-minded but don't be afraid to close it at times,
There is a lot of filth floating around.
And don't even think you can't reach for the stars
for they are within your reach.
They are within you.
They are you.
You are stardust.
You're a whole cluster.
Don't think that you are.
Know you are.
it is never about where are you heading.
It is all about where you are coming from.
Human Design: no choice
I wanted nothing to do with Human Design. Not another system... Not another: "Tell me your birth date I'll tell you who you are" kind of things... Been there. Done that. Seen it all. No, thank you. Not interested.
I also knew I was desperate.
This world never felt like it was mine. It never felt like home. It didn't feel like I belonged. Every day it was a struggle.
A struggle to fit in.
A friend of mine, who was Human Design student at that time, told me, I am here to wait for invitations. I already knew that. I always said I am not here to look for the key and struggle trying to open the door. The door will open on its own. All I have to do is wait and then walk through it. But what do I do until then, when the world is screaming you have to go out and get it. Work hard. Reach goals. Chase your dreams. Chase the wind.
Life doesn't work like this. Not for me.
Human Design slowly but surely entered my life and no matter how much I resisted, I finally accepted the fact that the choice wasn't mine to make. Many ask, how did I choose my Human Design teacher?
The truth is, I didn't. He showed up at my house. I had no choice.
It is not enough to say that Human Design changed my life. Nor that it has changed me.
It completely transformed me.
This world still isn't mine but I am so much more comfortable in it. I know how to navigate through. With the internal GPS, one can never be lost.
Human Design System is not here to tell you who you are. Your Human Design bodygraph is not you. It is a road map of Self-discovery and attunement to your highest potential.
Are you ready?